What Brain Science and Psychotherapy Tells Us About The Plank In Our Eye
Matthew 7:1-5 NIV “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
The following is a fictionalized dramatization of a real life event:
It is the early 90s in a neuroscience lab in Italy. The research there has focused on inserting electrodes into the brains of monkeys to measure which neurons are active during various activities. The researchers are excited to study a group of neurons that fire when the monkey’s hand closes on a peanut and raises it to its mouth. When the neurons fire, their electrical signals travel up the electrode, are amplified and recorded on a computer, but they are also amplified through a speaker, so it sounds like concentrated static when the neurons fire.
On this particular day, the electrodes are placed in the monkey’s brain ready to explore a group of neurons and see how they behave. One of the researchers that day missed breakfast. She’s hungry and reaches for a handful of peanuts from the lab’s supply and begins to eat them. Immediately the static on the speaker picks up, and all the scientists turn to see what’s happening, they were not aware the experiment had started. Looking for the source of what happened, they quickly figure out that the monkey seeing the researcher eating the peanut caused these neurons to fire. This was the discovery of what we now call “mirror neurons”.[i]
These neurons seem to be involved in noticing an action and thinking about emulating it. When I see someone raise a glass to drink from, I think I’m thirsty and reach for the same[ii]. These neurons have since been identified in humans as well. They are thought to be the basis of empathy. We seem to be wired to “tune in” to others’ feelings. Think about being at a party and approaching of group of people laughing, you start to instinctively smile. Or the opposite if you are at a funeral, even if you are not close to the person, you immediately move to a somber mood as you interact with others.[iii]
What seems to happen in our brain when we see another’s feelings, is that our brains’ mirror neurons activate pathways that look for a way that we can resonate with that feeling. The key here is that it is not their feeling we are feeling, it is our parallel feeling. The mirror neurons are causing our brain to feel our own feelings, which mirror theirs.
This is all as it should be. Except when it isn’t. Let’s say I’m with a group of depressed people for a long time. Then I run into a very tired person. My brain is biased to interpret what I pick up as depression, when it’s really fatigue.[iv] I can’t really help the fatigued person get the speck out of their own eye because I’m feeling something other than what that person is actually experiencing..
What is even more common is that we have many of our own memories of feelings that lie beyond our immediate awareness. These are leftovers from life experiences throughout our life span. Usually memories of these feelings are floating around undigested because they were painful and no one was around at the time to offer the appropriate support (more on that in another blog). The more we have of these emotional memories that we are unaware of, the bigger the plank is in our own eye. We see less and less clearly, especially when it comes to what others are feeling and experiencing. Our mirror neurons make connections with our own floating debris, instead of connections with feelings that are more accurate reflections of what the other is feeling.
In the study of attachment , researchers study how relationships develop between children and their care givers, as well as how those impact how they relate to others as adults. Their results give us some powerful lessons on how to get the plank out of our own eye.
The ideal attachment that develops is called secure attachment. It happens when a child genuinely feels like an adult feels what they feel, and can communicate that effectively to them (attunement) on a regular enough basis. Not surprisingly, adults who received this are likely to be able to give it to others.[v] In fact, it seems they are the most naturally capable of doing so. The planks in their eyes seem smaller than others’. But the good news is that even for those who did not develop secure attachment, this is one of those things in the brain where in most cases it can be rectified later in life by receiving regular attunement (this is an oversimplification here of course).
One way then to remove these planks is to process those memories of floating painful emotions with someone who can provide attunement. God designed our brains to work best in community.[vi] When these emotions and memories are re-experienced and talked about with someone in a safe context, they no longer float around. The mature adult parts of our brain make connections to them and anchor them. They lose their power, and no longer interfere with our ability to listen to other’s stories. We can now attune much more effectively ourselves to their feelings, to the speck in their eye, and help them remove it without doing other damage.
[i] Siegel, Daniel. Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. New York, Bantam Books, 2010, pp. 59–60.
[ii] Siegel, Daniel. Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. New York, Bantam Books, 2010, p. 60.
[iii] Siegel, Daniel. Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. New York, Bantam Books, 2010, p. 62.
[iv] Siegel, Daniel. Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. New York, Bantam Books, 2010, p. 62.
[v] Siegel, Daniel. Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. New York, Bantam Books, 2010, p174.
[vi] Insight repeated often by Dr. Karl Lehman, MD, psychiatrist co-creator of the Immanual Approach for inner healing prayer.
